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How to parent yourself instead of scold yourself when you are stressed.

It's sad but true that many of us did not learn how to be loving towards ourselves. We don't know how to accompany ourselves with warmth when things get difficult and so we can feel overwhelmed, frightened and alone at times when we really need to have our own back.

This is because those who parented us may have struggled to offer us warmth and understanding for the full range of our emotional experience when we were children. If this happened, then we may have young parts of us inside who never got the parenting they needed and are still stuck in the past. This young fearful part of us can take over at times and can show up in our lives in anxiety, depression, reactivity and fear when trying to go about doing the normal things we need to do for our lives.

This is why learning how to "self parent" is so vital. We need to give these younger parts of ourselves a safe environment inside so that they can come into the present and see how the strong adult that you are now, can manage... and then they can relax.

If we don't acknowledge and support these parts of ourselves, they can continue to show up as "self-sabotage" in our efforts to move forward and grow in our lives, again and again. It's not self-sabotage - it's unhealed parts wanting your attention and to keep you safe.

Self parenting can help you with:

Your own parenting

Being kinder to yourself and others

Finding more balance in your life between work, family and your own needs

Reducing your stress levels

Understanding yourself and your reactions better

Gentle, kind, patient warmth with your inner world can help you shift this. Take a moment now, if it feels okay to, and remember the last time you felt stressed, overwhelmed or afraid and see your child self in that moment. Take little you into your heart and breath together. Imagine yourself speaking to your inner child and saying:

“All of your feelings are okay with me”

“I am so glad you were born”

“You do not have to be perfect to get my love and protection”

“It’s okay for you to feel confused and ambivalent and not know all the answers”

Then notice how you feel about that moment and if even a little shiver of a shift has happened, if there is a glimmer more calm or peace; celebrate. Each tiny step is a powerful step toward healing. You've got this.


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